I AM A BANANA!

KUTZTOWN, Feb. 13—“I am a banana!” The words of Eric Larson echoed in front of Kutztown University’s McFarland Studen Union building, as the voices of three zealous street-preachers rang out to a non-existent student body.

“Whoever should call on the name of the…”

“I wish I could get my PA system, play some Slayer,” says one student as he plays heavy metal music aloud on his phone.

The voices of the preachers carried poorly over the 20 mph winds.

“Your Catholic Church…”

A light drizzle fell on the preachers and the 10 students congregated to listen. The gray sky only made the day feel colder. With the wind-chill, it was only 33 degrees, almost as bitter and cold as the anti-Catholic rhetoric put forth by street preacher Robert Parker.

Parker, in his early forties, had taken a day off of work to preach at the Lehigh Valley Courthouse earlier in the day. He was clearly overweight, with salt and pepper hair that went down to the bottom of his neck. He wore a dark blue coat, and the rest of his outfit was as gray as his outlook on our eternal dispositions. He was engaged in a conversation with Senior Richard Swensky, standing at the top of a staircase 10 meters away.

“I am a banana!” Larsen called out. Larsen is a Marketing major advertising for the Circle K “Bring your own banana” sundae event. He paces back and forth in front of the Student Union, spreading his message just as loudly as the preachers.

“Excuse me, sir,” Ken Stockton, another of the trio, calls to the banana. “Have you found Jesus?”

“I didn’t know he was missing,” Larsen says with a mischievous grin.

Stockton stares at Larsen, trying to process what just happened. His face, at once perplexed, changes quickly to a restrained smile. “You’re going to hell,” he says dryly, as Larsen continues spreading his message.

Parker moves closer to Swensky, as Swensky edges away from the staircase. Parker, now within speaking range of Swensky’s group, grows quieter. The third member of the group, Greg Jacobs, has not yet said a word. He is holding a sign that says, “INSERT WORDS HERE.”

Jacobs, a 5’9” tall, 220 lb man, wearing a gray sweater, skull cap, sweatpants, and worn sneakers, steps forward and takes Parker’s place. His face is worn, old. He has the appearance of a man who led the lifestyle of a heavy drug and alcohol user. He has no compassion on his face, though he preaches the message of God’s love.

Jacobs’ claims he was once a homosexual, and that he turned away from his sin years ago. He is now married to a woman, and has two children and a dog. He works nights, and enjoys preaching by day. He was the man that suggested coming to Kutztown in the first place, simply because he would be bored once he went home.

“You cry out for more channels, faster internet, more stuff on your phone,” Jacobs yells. His voice is dripping with forced kindness. “What’s next? Its gonna do your dishes for you?”

One girl, standing by the north entrance of the Student Union takes the bait. She is part of a small minority today of students that actually pay attention to the preachers. However, she, like most others that have fained interest, does not actually listen to what is being said. She is small, and pale, with shoulder-length black hair. She makes ineffective arguments, taken from a word or two that Jacob’s says, while quietly whispering comments of indignation to those around her. She takes his arguments to illogical extremes, and expects the man to be silenced by her intellect. When he is not, she complains loudly, throws up her hands in frustration, silences herself, and remains standing there, watching, and silently muttering complaints to herself.

Meanwhile, Jacob’s had not listened to any more of her message than she had of his. To him, she was merely a platform from which to speak. He would frequently start a comment to her, and finish it to the crowd, as if she was nothing more than a prompter. She gave him a subject to speak about, an opponent to discredit. They needed each other, and each played their role splendidly. The student, and the teacher. Neither listening to the other.